Webcast Chat with Huffington Post Blogger/Author Monique Honaman
Hear Huffington Post Divorce Edition blogger and author of The High Road Has Less Traffic: Honest Advice on the Path through Love & Divorce, Monique A. Honaman. In this recorded webcast Monique talks about her personal experience in Collaborative Divorce and answers viewers’ questions. Co-hosted by KCCL members Jeff Shushan an Billie Grissom.
Monique’s gritty, personal narrative has attracted attention for its honesty as well as its fresh ideas for managing the stresses and strains of marriage. She envisions the book as a roadmap for navigating the high road and the low road of divorce and its effects on kids, homes, finances and careers. Monique has lived it here she talks about it!
Disclaimer: the views expressed by the author in this online presentation are her own and do not necessarily represent or reflect the viewpoints or opinions of King County Collaborative Law. The presentation is intended solely for informational purposes and does not constitute professional legal advice or other advice.
Q & A with the Author, Monique Honaman:
Q: Monique, why did you write The High Road has Less Traffic?
A: It’s simple, really. At every decision point that life presents us with as human beings, each of us must make a very deliberate choice on how we should proceed. The decision we make ultimately defines who we are as people and as members of society. We can go negative, wallowing in a swamp of despair and dejection, and become emotionally paralyzed in a state of low-level thinking and anxiety. Or we can raise our sights and our outlook, keep our wits about us, optimize our potential, and follow a more inspired, self-affirming path. Ashley Montagu, the anthropologist, said that “Intelligence is the ability to make a successful response to a situation.” Taking the high road in life is both an intelligent and a successful response.
On a personal level, I was forced to make a similar choice myself when I experienced a relationship implosion of my own, and suddenly found myself staring down the face of divorce. I quickly came to realize the kind of pain and destruction that divorce can inflict on others, especially on children. I decided that I would take my experience and turn it around to help others who were in the same situation. I began to counsel others facing relationship troubles and divorce, and before I knew it I was fielding calls and emails weekly from friends, friends of friends, and friends of acquaintances. I found that there were certain pieces of advice that resonated with my newfound circle of friends. I decided to package my experiences and insights into a book that summed up my personal philosophy: that the high road has less traffic, less breakdowns, and more room to accelerate toward your destination. Given a choice, the high road is the best path to take in life, especially when dealing with marriage and family!
Q: What is the #1 thought you want readers to take away from the book?
A: My mission is to influence others to take the high road in navigating in and around divorce. There are so many opportunities to veer off the high road because of the anger, hate and emotion that are generated like hot sparks in the flywheel of divorce, but taking the high road truly is the healthier way to go for your own sanity and for the best interests of your children. The sad fact is that most people don’t choose to take the high road, and that is why it has less traffic. The beauty of the high road philosophy is that it applies to life as a whole, not only in dealing with relationships and divorce.
Q: Why do so many couples find themselves detoured on the Low Road vs. the High Road when it comes to divorce?
A: Many divorce proceedings begin because one partner has opted to take the low road versus the high road. It then becomes too easy for the other spouse to want to retaliate at that level, to strike back with low road behavior. This downward spiral is dangerous for all involved, especially the innocent children who are caught in the middle. The high road is a more creative and productive response and a far healthier direction for all involved. The high road doesn’t involve scratching the paint off shiny red cars, swinging golf clubs, cutting holes in your spouse’s clothes, confronting the other woman, or taking out a full-page ad to share with the world what “happened!”
Q: How does taking the High Road benefit couples and families, compared to the low road?
A: Taking the high road is the family-friendly way to go and the benefits are too numerous to quantify. The high road is ultimately a way of life. It means making the elevated decisions. It’s opting to do something that may not always be the easiest choice, but is always the more thoughtful choice. It’s making decisions that will make your kids, your family, and your friends proud. It’s living your life so that you can look yourself in the mirror every day knowing that you aspire to greater ideas and ideals!
Q: Does taking the High Road imply the practice known as Collaborative Divorce?
A: Taking the high road doesn’t necessarily imply the practice of Collaborative Divorce. People can take the high road in a divorce regardless of what procedure they need to follow. However, I have found the collaborative process of family law to be one which complemented my desire to take the high road in how I was resolved to manage the outcome for myself and my children. I didn’t have to testify publicly; I didn’t have to drag my kids to court. The collaborative process encouraged open communication and working together for the best interests of the entire family.